Smiley Anders has news of Louisiana winners of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest:

As you may have heard, Baton Rouge's state Sen. Jay Dardenne brought fame and glory (or shame and dishonor, take your pick) to our city by winning the "Vile Puns" category of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, held since 1982 by the San Jose State University English Department to find the world's worst writers. It's named, of course, for the British author who coined "a dark and stormy night."

The senator -- a Republican, but a funny one -- won with this effort:

"Falcon was her name and she was quite the bird of prey, sashaying past her adolescent admirers from one anchor store to another, past the kiosks where earrings longed to lie upon her lobes and sunglasses hoped to nestle on her nose, seemingly the beginning of a beautiful friendship with whomsoever caught the eye of the mall tease, Falcon."

Jay's triumph brought this response from Judge Bob Downing:

"I am eaten up with envy over Sen. Dardenne's recent award. When I was at LSU living in that bare room in West Stadium, I would stay up late writing and writing trying to win that award.

"Yes, I was up many a stark and dormy night."

Land of bad writers

As readers of this column can testify, Louisiana is the home of some really awful writing.

So it's no surprise that two other Louisiana writers won categories in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

Ken Aclin of Shreveport won the "Grand Panjandrum's Special Award" and Staff Sgt. Kevin Craver of Fort Polk won the "Fantasy Fiction" category.

We'll run these winners Friday (I figure you've had enough lousy prose for one day).