I am off-base and out of touch regarding beach property, which is hardly a surprise. When I read that property is selling for $159,000 a coastal foot, my eyes cross a bit.

Big money is coming down, and the prevailing philosophy is "dress up" your condo. Lyman was talking to a guy yesterday who bragged that he had the nicest condo in the complex. Granite countertops, crown moldings, a custom-built $2500 entertainment center. (I can't wait to see it. How do you cram all that into 950 sq. ft.?) Others talk of custom bedspreads, panel doors, faux finishes. Friends plan granite in their bathrooms. "It will dress it up," they said. And I felt pretentious putting in fake marble.

My aide down there had told me people are buying heavy, West Indian style furnishings. The girl who made my drapes showed me a custom duvet job in which the predominant color was black. She is an Asian woman somewhat younger than I am. "Why they want black at the beach? I don't like this black."

I'm thinking, "So why do these people bother to leave home?"

The beach to me is slapping screen doors, sleeping porches, and polyurethaned furniture so the kids don't do damage.

Keeping up with the Joneses has never been my thang.