Lucy is one ticked-off little biddy.

She had her beak and toenails trimmed today. You'd have thought they were preparing her for dinner.

If she were quiet and cooperative, the whole process might take four minutes, if they were being extra careful. What with all the screeching and battle and rests, the whole lot of us are worn out when it's done.

I told the vet that if she were a good-looking 20-to-30-year-old man it would be a lot easier. That's Lucy's type.

Where did she learn that?