When I ordered the cage for Lucy, the maker suggested, no, told, me to subscribe to the magazine BirdTalk. Its articles offer tips on feeding, health, behavioral problems, play and other bits of interest to bird owners. So I'm thumbing through this month's magazine and I stumble across this letter:

"I really enjoyed the article "Chew On This". It was really helpful because my cockatiels Sweetpee and Bebby are sometimes let out to wander around, and even when they're in their cage they are always looking for something to chew. I was a little upset with the article "In Memory of September 11th". I am a Jehovah's Witness, and I don't pledge allegiance to the flag. I would rather holidays and other things not be mentioned in this magazine if you don't mind. -- Amber Marie Doucet, Age 14, Mississippi

Miss Doucet, as I understand it, the only way to obtain an issue of BirdTalk magazine is to purchase it at a newsstand or by subscription. Unlike TV or video, you can safely page past articles you find offensive. You know, as a critic of your sect, I get a little upset when members of your religion knock on my door. I would rather y'all stay off my front porch, if you don't mind.

UPDATE: The article young Amber objects to is a four-page spread of photos of owners' birds variously posed with American flags. The pledge is nowhere mentioned. I have limited tolerance for teenagers. I was one myself.